Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

if you follow my adventures elsewhere in cyber space, you will know that I write for a Doctor Who spin off fan site.
For that site, I was arranging an interview with a guy who worked on all three current shows of the nuwhoniverse.
I sent him the questions, and he was running them past Aunty Beeb to see what he could tell us ... bear in mind, they weren't about whats coming up or anything but more to do with what it is like to work on the show, some technical questions on how one becomes a director etc. And we were totally given to them dictating what ones we can answer and how much Colin could say.
They have denied us any of them.
I had an apology from Colin about it a few mins ago. Bless him .... even though, reading the mail its not his usual style at all so i suspect that he may have been given it as a corporate response......

I am really fucked off about it. Like REALLY FUCKED OFF. Not with Colin, with the BBC. They are so fucking precious about it, its not true. Erm ... who pays the license fee? Who pours all the cash into the franchise in merchandise .. I think that may be the fans. People like me and you. So why the hell, when a small group take the initiative to be involved, shouldn't we? I'd stop watching, but just me wont make a difference.
I'd understand if I had asked to take a coach party around the sets at Upper Boat (I can give you directions should you wish to descend on their top secret location en masse. They have pissed me off now, so cunt flaps to them and their hidey hole)

Its just wank.
I hope their children all look like monkeys

Fastest Writer in the West (Wales)

I am in smug mode right now.

I turned a job around in 33 minutes today. usually we ask a minimum of three days....

Just got some random tales from the last 24 hours for you really.

We have training every Thursday afternoon. Yesterday was a pub quiz .. a mix of questions on our radio group and pop music. My team won, of course. Largely due to my superior knowledge of inferior pop music. I did win a superb double cd though .. its a bit random ... amongst the likes of Amy Winehouse, Snow Patrol and Oasis, there is suddenly The Lighthouse Family..... perhaps it's just there mid tracks to cleanse the palate .. you know, like a cracker between courses.

From there, I hit the gym and did a very hard workout .... mostly because I was watching the Paul O Grady show for most of it and was enjoying it too much to notice the time.

I then stopped to chill out on Caerphilly Mountain. Notorious for dogging and cruising. Had a lovely chat with three other queens (by chat read: stood around judging everyone else who turned up ... particularly the 'straight' guys up to pull other guys) and then headed off when a very rough looking married couple in their 50's arrived, clearly after some young buck to do the wife while the husband beat one off or filmed or whatever it is they do. Each to their own I say .. but for crying out loud it was broad fucking daylight still! You don't catch me in public woods in daylight hours with my tadger flapping about. That's not to say I don't do it, just that you wont catch me. I am far too good at it for that.

Had some odd dreams again. I was in a jungle type of environment in a large group of people. We were kind of on some holiday and were lost ... we weren't supposed to be there as such, something had gone wrong, leaving us lost in the wilds with all of the animals on the loose too. There was some scene of us grouping together to try ad survive a stampede of Antelopes, Gazelles, Buffalo and Bison .... the guy who i was hiding behind had a large leather belt that he was thrashing around to physically knock the animals away with.... because that would work, right? A few hundred hulking four legged beats are easily thrown back when you hit them with a belt as they charge at you full force...... Later on, we were being attacked by Tigers ... and there were Lions nearby too .... (sadly no bears, so I cant do that particular punchline) and at some point, rather than being all real and scary, I turned into Donald Duck and the whole thing was a cartoon. We managed to get back on the ride we had apparently fallen off, which I can only describe as like a kids train ride .... I had to squat down to sit on my little coach which was the last one. It went around a very pastel pink and blue tunnel with the now cartoon Lions and tigers below us and visible through wire mesh sections of walls and floor. Then i woke up for a wee.

My second dream, i was at my mate Jeremy's house. It was the early hours of a Sunday morning and although I don't recall, I think the inference was we had been out clubbing or such and were now just chilling watching the end of Back to the Future Part III. As always in dreams, it was his flat .. but it wasn't.... it was very similar but his sofa was in a different place... and then he shagged me rotten on it ..... which was a pleasant enough dream as he is well fit.

And so .. because I am still excited .... here is the full details on the winners of the drama festival.

THE GLAMORGAN COUNTY CUP
FESTIVAL WINNERS
2007 ‘Cruise Missile’ - Swansea Little Theatre

BOB MCTURK MEMORIAL TROPHY
BEST DIRECTOR
Kindly donated by Member Groups
In fond memory of Bob McTurk,
Member of the GDL and Chairman of the DAW.
2007 ‘Jo West’ Telstars Theatre Company – ‘A Little Extra Help’

THE BEST INDIVIDUAL PERFORMANCE
Kindly donated by Mr Alan Churchill of
Tellyads Video Productions, Nantymoel.
2007 ‘Jonathan James’ - Players Theatre - ‘The Bridge’

THE BEA WELLS MEMORIAL TROPHY
THE BEST INDIVIDUAL
COMEDY PERFORMANCE
Kindly donated by Stan Wells
In affectionate remembrance of his beloved Bea.
2007 ‘Paul Robinson’ - Telstars Theatre Company – ‘A Little Extra Help’

THE JEAN HOWELL TROPHY
ADJUDICATOR’S AWARD
Kindly donated by Jean Howell, G.O.D.A. (Bristol).
2007 Stars Performing Arts – Enthusiasm - ‘Beauty is a Beast’

MARI MAJOR YOUTH AWARD
BEST YOUTH GROUP
Kindly donated by Mari Major
For the most promising aspects of Youth work.
2007 The Unknown Theatre Company – ‘Dancing on Checkers Grave’

And finally (look at me going all news at ten!) its the last day of the Western mail poster giveaway that I wrote those ads for .... since I have copies in the office to show you .... here is today's (its reversible Jackie...)

Its Oh So Quiet......

I am sure you are wondering why I haven't mentioned Doctor Who this week.

Well ... its like this......
I didn't get to see it until Sunday morning. And then I was a bit disappointed to be honest. Still loving Freema as Martha Jones. Hope she sticks around for a while. Kudos to the team for discovering her. David was a joy as The Doctor as always and Helen Rayner's script was nicely done ..... but its just a bit 'enough with the daleks now' for me. They were never a fave of mine as a kid, I always much preferred the Cybermen (they were shiny). Its just a bit pants to be continually dragging out the Daleks once a year.... it will get very like Star Trek did in the 90's when it was 'this years holodeck gets fucked episode' or for Voyager that awful fucking Oirish Village and don't start me on the tedium of the Klingon eps across all three shows.....

But back to Who. I did get a bit excited when they were running through the sewers, as that was the set being painted the day I went round them. Did I mention I had been to the set? But it just seemed like too much set up .. which is clearly going to pay off in part two .. but it just didn't really stand well enough on its own. If they had been shown on one night, that would have been ok .... I guess the kids were enjoying it with daleks and pig people and then of course the Dalek Rasta at the end .. but I dunno .... wasn't a stand out one for me.
And the tabloids are rife with news that Kylie may be in this years Christmas special. This got me very excited. Then, while drifting off to sleep last night, another thought occurred .... it would mean she would be coming to Cardiff to film it! Kylie! Here! On my doorstep! Serious stalking plans need to be put into action

Thank Goodness

I couldn't be happier

No, I couldn't be happier

Though it is, I admit, the tiniest bit unlike I anticipated

But I couldn't be happier

Simply couldn't be happier

Well - not "simply"

'Cause getting your dreams, it's strange, but it seems a little - well - complicated

There's a kind of a sort of cost

There's a couple of things get lost

There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed

And if that joy, that thrill, doesn't thrill you like you think it will

Still - With this perfect finale, the cheers and ballyhoo

Who Wouldn't be happier?

So I couldn't be happier

Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true

Well, isn't it?

Happy is what happens when your dreams come true!

Who Knew....

So, if you follow my other projects, you will know I am a contributor over at Sarah-Jane.tv
And as part of that, have been using my contact with Colin Teague (director of the Sarah Jane pilot Invasion of the Bane, two episodes of Torchwood and this years season finale to Doctor Who .. making him the first man to direct all three shows), to get an interview with him to put on our site. Colin agreed to do it, we asked our readers for the questions, selected the best and off we went.
Today I had a mail from Colin, as I had said it was probably easier to do the interview by mail and just send him the questions to answer as and when sort of thing. Part of his reply was this.....

Send the questions through to this address - Also I will need to chat to Julie/Russell just to check they are happy with what your asking and I'm replying and as mentioned before I will need to have final proof copy before you guys do with it as you wish

RTD and JG reading my work? Possibly even knowing my name.... it was exciting enough Colin showing me around the sets ...... excuse me while I go and lie down for a bit....

Oh ... and what the fuck is this about? Nutter!

High Flying, Adored......

Friday... 5.30pm ... mad dash to Swansea to make it in time for the performance of Murder at the Wedding ...

Most of the company had been there since about 3.00pm to do our tech rehearsal, which meant that I actually had nothing to do with the set setting and clearing - always a plus as I have a reputation for breaking things.

We watched the first play of the evening ..... which if I am honest, I thought wasn't very good. We couldn't watch the second play, as we were on after and had to be ready to do our thang.

Now, the rules of the Glamorgan Drama League One Act Festival are very strict. Its one hour for your technical rehearsal. 10 mins to set your set, 5 mins to strike it. The play must be between 30 and 50 mins. No alcohol allowed onstage, or to be consumed by participants prior to going on stage. Luckily, Murder at the Wedding only required three 1930's style mic's, one table and a few chairs, so we were on and set in no time at all. And being a radio play performed on stage, we all had scripts in hand to read by. It all went very well. I was a bit hot as was in full suit with trench coat and trilby .... but luckily, my part involved drinking lots of 'champagne' (actually grape juice .. and no, not wine either...) so I wasn't dry as a desert when it came to speak.

Once the final play (us) was over, the adjudicator came down and gave her reviews on each play. I had been a bag of nerves prior to going on (v v rare for me .. I don't even usually get stage fright or any kind of nerves .. just excited) and was a wreck once the tabs closed. So I sat quietly in the dressing room and listened to the adjudication on the pa system. She was very complimentary about all three plays .... and just as she came around to giving her verdict on my performance, another actress came in from the bar and talked through it. I didn't hear a word. I am told she was very complimentary about me though.

By the time I got home, it was very late and I crawled into bed........

Saturday morning, I woke up with about two hours spare before having to head off to pick up the set for A Little Extra Help. Dan had made me a lovely cooked breakfast and we sat down to eat in front of some Kim Possible dvds he has made me. As I stood up from loading the disc, I leaned back .... and sent the table flying onto the sofa. Along with the beans, toast and sausages. I felt like I was going to cry. There was Dan, getting up and making me a lovely breakkie and I just threw it on the sofa in two seconds flat. As an apology, I went out and bought food (I went out to get razors but brought it back as a surprise along with a big Easter egg that was on sale) and found he had made another one! Bless him.

It was a lovely day and I headed down to Landaff to pick Jo up and we went down to Splott to get the set. It was in the van in about 5 mins flat and we set off for Swansea. The tech went very well ....... I was a little concerned about hitting my mark for my spotlight in the dark ... but hit it spot on every time. We managed to get the set up in 90 seconds .... which for a full split set was pretty shit hot, if I do say so myself and after the performance struck it in 70 seconds .... we fucking rule. The show went very well. We had had some concerns about how I was to appear ion the audience for my third scene ... but found a way back without being seen so that I was literally at the back of the auditorium. That worked really well. Apparently, Teri came on at the wrong point once .. but I didn't even notice and I was there!

We then went to watch the other two plays that evening. After us was a fantastic play written by a member of its cast. It had a plot twist that I spotted about three lines in ... but nobody else did so I am just going to assume I am v clever and leave it there. It was mostly a two hander and the guys were brilliant. I really thought this would win the festival .. but it didn't.

The last play was a two hander called Cruise Missile ... about two ladies on a cruise ship. It was very funny but it did lose me for a good 10 mins in the middle ..... and this won the festival. The actresses were both very good, it was a very funny performance, but i do think maybe The Bridge deserved it a teeny bit more.

The adjudicator was again extremely complimentary on my performance as The Supervisor in A Little Extra Help, as she was with all of us actually ... and after a short break we moved to the awards..... There was a Youth Award, which went to one of Thursday's plays, the adjudicator award - again to a play on thu that I didn't see, best individual performance went to one of the guys from The Bridge and rightly so, Jo won best director for A Little Extra Help ... and bloody right too ... and then there was also an award for Best Individual Comedy Performance ..... which was also won by a member of the cast in A Little Extra Help........

Fear of Curtains...

and no, not because my play clothes were made out of them and my ex nun nanny dragged me around the Swiss Alps singing on bicycles.....

Its faces at the window.
I cant bear the thought of closing curtains when it is dark in case there is something there that shouldn't be. It doesn't matter if I am 22 storeys up .... I mean, wouldn't that just make it worse if there was a person staring back at me with blank, dead eyes and blood dripping from their teeth?

I think it stems from seeing Salems Lot when I was about 12 and the kids scratching at the window trying to get in .... just floating shadows with glowing red eyes....... but to this day, i only close curtains when its dark if it completely, totally, absolutely has to be me. But what you have to understand, is that i cant leave them open either ... because then something is sure to get me. I am not entirely sure exactly what mystical powers I feel curtains have. This amazing ability to hold back all manner of evil. I guess its the same that they put in blankets and duvets that means you are safe under them when you run back from the loo at 3.30am because its dark and the zombies are using the noise of the flush to mask their groanings and dragging feet as they come for you down the hall. But once you are under those blankets, you are safe. Batfink was a fool having wings like a shield of steel, he only needed a nice bit of lined floral polyester.

But to the stories.... yes plural.

Picture it. 1987. I am just 16 and the family holiday is to a caravan park in Selsey. Mum, John (her 3rd hubby), James (Next bro down from me), Eleanor (my mothers only daughter but not my only sister) and my best mate Alex are there for the week. I am not best pleased as that was the week that Whitney Houston knocked Madonna off the no.1 spot as I recall. As most family holidays are, it was a Saturday through Saturday thing but by Monday night, Mum & John have blown all of their money on cigarettes and alcohol and cant afford to stay, so they go home taking the siblings with them. Since friends were having to pick Me and Alex up anyway, we figure we might as well stay on our own as our money is lasting just fine and given we have just left school, its all one big adventure right now.
So Tuesday night, being Me & Alex, we went to a park in the pouring rain to play on the swings and chat sci fi n stuff. It was a hot summer night and we were soaked to the skin but we didn't care. We got back to the van around midnight and were sat watching The Rock Gospel Show and waving bits of torn newspaper with Thora Hird on them .... and largely being derogatory and unkind to these poor Christians.
And then something started tapping on the windows. Slowly gently sinister ..ly .. ?
We turned off the tv, crouched down on the sofa and waited. What do you do? You have never been away from home on holiday without an adult! How easy is it for a vampire to rip into a caravan? If its a mad axe man, will he want to do unspeakable things to me before dicing me into small pieces of roughly one cm cubed? Is it right to die a virgin when you have only ever had a bj? Who will actually be better off in 20 years time for being the number one single this week? Madonna maybe with a family or perhaps Whitney with a former crack addiction? So many questions...... A brief whispered conversation along the lines of ...
Alex: You look first you re oldest ....
Me: No , you, you;'re almost a foot taller than me!
Before we decided, on the count of three, to pull open a curtain each ........ to reveal a wide, mad, staring face screaming at us.

My mother.
They had borrowed more money and came back. Apparently, the sound of us arguing over who went first almost blew it for them as they were laughing so hard......

And on to the second story.
Its um .. 1989 ... I think ... yeah, it must be as I am living in Abbey Drive but neither Alex or I have a drivers license yet....... anyhoo .....
We have just been to see Dead Poets Society and as we walk up through a very dark and deserted alley to take a short cut up to the estate. We recount the scary story about the lady and the jigsaw...... and I get well and truly spooked. Like totally freaked out. Alex walks up to my place, then heads off to back home... I stick my head in to say goodnight to mum ... she was single at this point, well, this week i should say as her and John split up for a few days around once every six weeks for most of 88/89 (before I booted him out for good in the July) and then go to my room, which was above the front door. Every time I go to close my curtains, the tale of the lady doing the jigsaw came back .. and how as she completed the jigsaw she realised it was of her house ... and of her, sat doing a jigsaw ... and that as she completed the window section, it revealed a face of a madman, his eyes blazing, with a knife and then she hears the window smash.......
I ask my mum to come in and close my curtains for me .... to which she refuses to get out of bed and for goodness sake, i am 18 years old and blah blah blah .. so i inch towards the window, lean over my bed to grab each curtain .... and a person appears screaming outside .... and do remember I am one floor up! i scream the house down to see Alex curled up with laughter, standing on the little bit of concrete above our front door, directly below my window.
neither him or my mother ever let me live this down.......

So, is it any wonder I am terrified? And this is without the stories Adele told me about genuine ghostly faces that used to appear in her windows back in Doncaster.....
Dan is so going to use this against me...................

Still just as excited, have actually wee'd

Today I have started hearing the Western Mail Doctor Who ad live on air.

Its Doctor Who
Its being broadcast on air
I WROTE IT!

You want to shag me a little now, dont you?

What it must be like to be Madonna

So there I am, just nipping to the loo, when as I pass through reception, Tie A Yellow Ribbon comes on air as part of the golden hour. Loving the kitschness of it all, Maria, our morning receptionist and I have a little jig to it. I then proceed to the loo.

While in the cubicle, Bobby, one of our breakfast presenters comes in and starts talking to himself (how I knew it was he ... I don't take to hanging around the loo .. well not at work at least). I commented on how marvellous the music was sounding and we had a brief chat over the cubicle door......

Next thing I know, as I am 'cleaning up' etc he is talking about us dancing along. And then proceeds to mention that I am no long er dancing but doing something else that they cant mention on air ....... I cant even take a dump without it getting broadcast to the whole of south Wales......

Who Gives a Toss if I am a Wanker?

After visiting this website, I have decided to donate!

Its something I have thought about many times before, particularly as I have friends who have had fertility treatments and things and have seen the pain and anguish it can cause a couple who cant conceive. Its not like I am likely to produce offspring any other way!

And at the end of the day, its just a wank!

Update: They take blood first, which I could put up with but am known for passing out at the sight of the needle and take a swab from down the ole japs eye .... which is really putting me off. I had that done once before when i got a bad case of .. well lets just call it a virus ..... and it fucking hurts.

Hot Gossip

I am really not sure how long this will stay up .. but check it out while you can!
Its delicious!

The Show Must Go On.... Again

So, you are both (yes, my two loyal readers....) itching to know how the show went.. possibly.

Well, it was quite good. I am fairly sure I needed to slow down some lines, but given I am doing full pages of A4 at a time for most of it and playing an angel who is camper than a row of pink tents performing the greatest hits of Barbra, Judy and Dolly, it just kind of runs away sometimes. I did manage to get some lovely ad libs in too to cover some cock ups ..... ie when I pour Suzanne a glass of wine in the 'cheese and wine tasting' scene, we had only ever once had a prop to rehearse with ... and the top was already off. Last night, it wasn't. So after my line .. Here, have a drop more .... I poured to find nothing came out. My fault, I should have thought to check. So I quickly had to say ... ooh, would help if I took the lid off really! Which got a laugh ... so being the only character who interacts with the audience and shot them a look and said 'What? i am an angel, not God' which again got a laugh.

Murder at the Wedding was a different story. Its set in a 1930's radio studio and is done as if we are live on air. So, we all read our scripts, and do our own sound effects as there is some pre amble with the tech ops about the fx being broken...... Most of the cast sit stage right. Jo, Suzanne & I sit stage right as we consider ourselves the stars (in character .. not in real life) and above the others. They cramp around two their mic's ... the three of us have our own and woe betide any fool who uses our mic! We quaff champagne (grape juice as the festival rules state no alcohol allowed onstage or off) but last night I had a major coughing fit and was worried I wouldn't be able to speak .... luckily it was ok by the time i stood up to solve the murder as DS Roger Velvet. Now, we all feared that Roger's voice was going to cause much hilarity ... we have been doing this since December and it is only the last few days that the cast have managed to keep straight faces while I talk .. because Roger has a severe speech impediment. He cant say R's S's Y's or L's. And he has to say things like Lululu, Millie, Yes ... giving things like Wuwuwu Miwwie and Wess .... you can imagine ..... Teri our director, still cant keep a straight face the moment I start talking. So an audience of about 70 people was potentially going to hold up the show .... but not a titter....... so now I wonder if they just find it funny because they know me and maybe the voice doesn't actually work at all ..... we shall see when we do it again on Friday.

We're Off to See the Jedi

How exactly does one combine Yoda and Glinda to make a name.....

Tonights the Night

And after last night, it can only get better.
I managed to get the razors lines spot on .... then proceeded to not be able to talk about silk lingerie. I am blaming Steve ... its only my lines with just him that go wrong.......

Yesterday was an interesting final rehearsal ... we had half the cast and one of the directors missing. It wasn't on the venue or even with our set. No costumes. Then we were told that we wont fit on the stage, so instead of having a split set with an apartment set stage left and a supermarket stage right, the supermarket will be on the stage and the apartment below it on the floor. I kind of gave up at that point. I am now in the 'fuck it, its only a play' mode. Whats the worst that can happen? Shit .. maybe I shouldn't ask .......

I have just been and bought the nibbles for the interval ...... if you are coming along (which I doubt as I don't think any of my 4 readers are local aside from Dan .. and I know he is coming already!) expect lots of peanuts, tortilla chips, jaffa cakes, custard creams and bourbons......

I'm going to spank you so heinously, your pets won't recognize you

Find out what your battle cry is here.

Feeling energetic?

Try this!
go to Google MAPS
- click on GET DIRECTIONS
- in the first box type : New York, New York
-in the second type box type: Paris, France
- Look at line 23 !!!

Hello Toby

My wrist hurts. My left wrist before you get any funny ideas. It was shifting furniture that did it.
So Lets go back and tell the weekend story properly.
Friday. Rehearsal. Still cant get my lines about the disposable razors right. I have been working on this one act play since the beginning of December. I have known the lines for some weeks. I check my script every day and even during the scene prior to the razors, I stand to one side and say every line word perfect. As soon as I am standing with Steve Kibble trying to sell him the razors, i fuck it up. I just always seem to think that I have more to say than I actually do and trip myself up. Its a bugger for sure. I skulk home in a sulk with myself over it. I text a few people who I know were watching Ugly Betty tonight with the message 'Duck sauce'.

Saturday. Up early to pick up a transit van as today Dan & I are being paid to empty Real Radio Wales' Swansea office. Its an easy enough job but does need two trips, a small amount of heavy lifting .. which is where I pulled my wrist .... and of course its in scorching sunshine. Which is fine .. I'd rather that than I was getting piss soaking wet. Of course, this all had to be done by 7.40pm for Doctor Who. Now, this week was potentially going to be controversial. It was scheduled later than usual due to some football match, which had it gone into extra time, would have meant that Who was not shown at all this week. Had that happened, you would have heard my anguish from wherever you are in the world reading this. Fortunately, the very unattractive blokes in the red shirts won by 3 goals ... (i think it was a Manchester team. That Rooney bloke was shown a lot with his shirt off, so whoever he plays for). Why oh why oh why are we constantly bombarded with endless hours of sport! Is this really what the programme makers think we we want? Are we all to be taken for fools? Wake up aunty beeb and grant us humble license payers a little bit of intelligence please!
But what a cracking ep we had this week. Pete .... skip to the next paragraph NOW......... lesbian grannies, S&M cats with her virgin slaves, macra.... it had it all. And of course, the face of boe revealed his secret. The Doctor is not alone ....... now, if you then watched Doctor Who confidential, and listened to the episode commentary on Sunday, further clues were given. I am paraphrasing a tad here but Phil Collinson said that although the face of boe says the Doctor is not alone and the Doctor still claims to be the last of his kind, neither are actually wrong and that the revelation will be who the face of boe really is ....... so is the face actually the last incarnation of the Doctor? If so .... we saw him die! or is he just another time lord ...... or the master? Time will tell.

Sunday was a return to the decorating. But we need a filler for the walls, so I could only do a small amount. It looks OK though .. for my appalling painting skills especially. Alas, we also had a bit of an issue with the house. The pilot light on our boiler wont stay on. It lights when you do the ignition thingy ... but goes out as soon as you release the little grey button thingy. Its been playing up for years by all accounts, but has always come back on until now. Luckily, my mate Jeremy is having a new boiler done and has recommended a plumber to us! Disaster averted (plus, the shower heats its own water .. so given we don't need heating on at the mo, its really only washing up and cleaning that need hot water so we can do that with the kettle).

I woke up to two messages from people in the theatre group asking if I could deliver the futon of ours they are borrowing for the play, down to St Albans hall where we are performing tomorrow. Sadly, my car is v small and even dismantled, its never going to fit (the futon, it would be silly to dismantle the car). So I nipped down to work to borrow a pool car or the real mobile (big bugger people carrier) for an hour as given it was a Sunday and we only have 1 news person in and that's it, there should have been about 3 cars spare. But of course, as it was a sunny day everyone had had similar ideas and no cars were to be found (and nobody had signed them out but that's by the by). So I couldn't get the futon to them. i went back home and watched Pans Labyrinth instead. Highly recommend it but don't watch if you are feeling a bit down .... you could possibly end up topping yourself as its a bit of a weepie in places.

And just why has Christina Aguilera done some mad re-write of the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B? What was the thinking there? She was all winsome being a Genie in A Bottle, wrecked her hair and got her minge out being all Dirrrrrty, turned into something resembling Hulk Poodle at the Moulin Rouge ....... and then thought she'd go all WI on us? What's next? A ruff and a harpsichord makeover of Greensleeves? I despair.

G4 have split up!

HOORAY!
I am sure they are lovely boys .... but my fucking lord of all that is holy they were rubbish. I always just wanted to get that twink lead singer of theirs and stuff a cotton bud up his nose to clear his sinuses. Then ask him to sing and see how different it sounded.

I do feel I need to share highlights of the press release with you........

Despite selling 1.3 million albums (two of three albums went double platinum and platinum) and fans buying tickets for sell-out concerts (how else do they think concerts sell out?), the boys discovered that life in a band didn't suit them and have decided to go their separate ways. (do I smell queenie strops? And saying that being a band didn't suit them is a bit like saying brunettes didn't suit Hitlers vision....)

The four guys from G4 went to university together and all had different dreams for the future (so why the fuck did they inflict themselves on us as a group? Surely actually following their different dreams was a better idea?). Having spent two and a half years putting their long term ambitions on hold they now realise that they are not suited for pop band lifestyles and have all decided to move in different directions if they want to remain close friends. (confirmation of queenie strops.... or like ABBA they have all been inter group shagging and its gone sour)

Jon Ansell, keen to continue in the music industry has plans to go solo (for the love of piss, please tell me he isn't nasal boy). Meanwhile Mike Christie is working on writing a musical (how? they only ever did covers of good songs and made them into operatic accapella wrecks) and Matt Stiff will be teaching music (at the Helen Keller School of Performing Arts). Ben Thapa has plans to move to Ireland (because nobody there will know him) to work as a professional tenor in opera (ah yes, those famous Irish Operas ... like 'Feck ma wheres me Guinness' and 'The Commitments 2: Ma Butterfly Ya fecking eejit') . He will continue with his charity work for the Mental Health Foundation and also plans to finish his novel.

Don’t miss your chance to see the boys on their farewell tour:

Actually, I think miss them is something I wont do at all...................

Best. News. Ever

The Walt Disney Co. has changed its policy to allow same-sex couples to participate in a popular Fairy Tale Wedding program it runs mainly at its two U.S. resorts and cruise line, a Disney spokesman said Thursday. Disney previously had allowed gay couples to organize their own weddings or commitment ceremonies at rented meeting rooms at the resorts, but had barred them from purchasing its Fairy Tale Wedding package and holding the event at locations at Disneyland and Walt Disney World that are set aside specifically for weddings.
"We are updating our Fairy Tale Wedding guidelines to include commitment ceremonies," Disney Parks and Resorts spokesman Donn Walker said. "This is consistent with our policy of creating a welcoming, respectful and inclusive environment for all of our guests."
Walker said the change was prompted by "an inquiry from a guest that asked about this service." Disney had allowed gay couples to take part in its vow renewals program but excluded them from buying wedding packages by requiring a valid marriage license from California or Florida, which do not permit or recognize gay marriages.
Disney's Fairy Tale Wedding packages start at $8,000 and include a wedding planner, the ceremony, food and beverages, flowers and table decorations.The Lavish Wedding Option also includes a ride to the ceremony in the Cinderella coach, costumed trumpeters heralding the couple's arrival, and attendance by Mickey and Minnie Mouse characters dressed in formal attire.
Disney has come under fire from religious conservatives, including the Southern Baptist Convention, which have accused the company of promoting a gay agenda. The groups, which lifted an eight-year boycott of Disney in 2005, had criticized the company for such corporate policies as giving health benefits to same-sex partners of employees, allowing "Gay Day" celebrations at its theme parks and airing a prime time television show on its ABC network featuring openly gay comedian Ellen DeGeneres. "We are not in the business of making judgments about the lifestyle of our guests. We are in the hospitality business and our parks and resorts are open to everyone," Walker said.

Religious conservatives can suck my dick. I'm having a Disney wedding!

Thanks to everyone who has called me in the least few days to tell me about this. The fact that everyone who read it instantly got on the phone to me says something about how well you all know me and I love you all dearly.

Oh ... while we are on about the religious conservatives.....

http://newsbiscuit.com/article/turin-shroud-dyed-pink-in-washing-machine-bungle

Games Without Front Ears

Ok, so even for me that's an odd title ... and it still wont make perfect sense with the post but just stick with it, ok?

So we were playing one of our favourite games in the office over lunch today. Tree reads out a pop lyric from a quiz, I then have to sing the song back to her and see if she can tell what it is, and then see if we are right. With two particular entries today, I have even amazed myself. Recognise these?

'You could have turned around and hit me and I wouldn't have cared'

'Blue jeans and chinos. Coke Pepsi and Oreos'

Guesses in the comments please..... and no cheating by googling it. I am willing to bet Roo gets them......... especially that first one.

Other games of ours you may like to try.
Tube Tag. I have mentioned this before. Select a goal/genre (we tend to go for cheese) and send your team mates links to you tube videos. Each one has to better the last..... Hours of fun guaranteed.
Now That's What I Call Music Knowledge. Quizmaster finds a compilation album listing on an online store (we use play or amazon. You need to get a Now album or similar that features "40 top chart hits" sort of thing rather than New Woman or some bargain bin tat that will feature songs from across the history of the hit parade). Then by only giving away the release date of the compilation, they list the artists and you have to guess which track of theirs is featured. We find you can add more thrills by stating a rough percentage you expect to get correct, once the featured year has been mentioned but before any artists are revealed.
We sure know how to party here in comm prod*


*if you are just dropping by and don't know me .... I am taking the piss .... these games are only fun as it relieves the tedium of writing yet another bastard advert for a fucking car dealer.

Im the Easter Bunny

Except I'm not, clearly as everyone knows its Geraldine Granger from Dibley.

So what have I been doing now I am on day 4 of my 6 day break?
Did I do the decorating? Not yet.
Have I spent a lot of time in the gym working out? No siree.
Have I sat around on my lard arse eating chocolate? Fuck yeah!

This weeks Doctor Who was a vast improvement. In fact , I fucking loved it! On a sunday, I watch it again with the audio commentary on (and record it for Josh) which sadly wasn't much fun. Last weeks with Freema was waaaaaaaaaaaay funnier.

We have been out today .. had a trip down to Penarth and a wander along the sea front .. then spent an hour trying to find the house they used as the exterior in The Sarah-Jane Adventures ... but didn't. It appears I was driving along the right road but just failed to spot it.

Still excited, still might wee

Have just finalised the ad for the western mail for the Doctor Who posters. Its all signed off and ready to be produced.

I am have officially written something unofficial for Doctor Who.

And it feels good

Moon Barking

So it was moon barking this weekend...... the full moon was listed as April 2nd, so I had planned on it being on Monday night, but I think it was actually the early hours of monday (so although technically Monday 2nd April, it was actually Sunday night by my way of thinking). It was an interesting one this month, so thought I would share..........

A mate down here has suddenly had a life changing opportunity and I was asking for guidance for him. But I think somewhere along the line, I dug a bit deep and ended up getting told what he thinks of me .... and I am not sure quite what it all meant. It was all in a dream and I was on gaydar (except it was a much more detailed version of gaydar where you had tabs at the bottom of the page where you can add notes about people in your lists and stuff) and when I saw he was online and clicked on his profile to drop him a message, it somehow logged me in as him. I could then see all of his notes ... and naturally wondered what he said about me. There were all these headed columns for apt notes and in the box marked 'is he my friend' he had written I know Paul and I know Paul. Then further over where it said 'where do I expect things to go with him' it just said wait for the wheel.

Plus I had woken up in the wee hours on Monday to see the moon was already full and had asked then too ..... and woke up with an old song by All About Eve in my head that I seriously haven't listened to since about 1989..... the particular lyrics were.......

Cant see the woods for all of the trees
Cant hear the wind for the breeze that whispers
reach for the stars cuz they're sweeter by far
than the moon though she's brighter and closer to you
what kind of fool lays all that's precious to waste
what kind of fool leaves all their treasures to rust in the rain
you'll need it again when they sky clears
what kind of fool wont discover the jewel till the dust clears
fools like us

so make of that what you will.

Plus ..... after I had had a bark, I heard a guy scream up on the hills somewhere, so was quite intent on healing him, if he was genuinely an innocent in need. We shall see

So excited I might wee

Just been handed a job that I thought my boss was going to write.

I am writing actual Doctor Who ads ...... granted its for a newspaper who are working with Aunty Beeb on a Who poster give away ...... and I am not allowed to use the theme ... but have been given the Tardis sound effect................ yeah baby

One Lump or Two?

This is amusing for about 30 seconds............ I dont recommend watching the whole thing unless you are bored though.

Alas Smith & Jones

So, Doctor Who limped back onto our screens last night.
Yes, I do mean limped. It was decidedly average, in my humble opinion.
I shan't go into massive details as trying to keep Pete spoiler free .... but it just was another load of camp nonsense. Not much of a story, the script wasn't particularly strong and the Doctor seemed to be off his tits on E's or something.
Now, that said, I am loving Martha as a character and Freema as an actress. One thing that did play out well, was the little lines and scenes that gave us a clear indication of why the Doctor chose her.
The rest of the season looks to be stunning though .... so am still ever hopeful. Think I have figured out Mr Saxon too......