My life, the people in it and any other shit I decide to throw at you.

Wednesday, 27 December 2006

Camp Nonsense

Yep, its .. actually does today have a name? I know that some people refer to the day before christmas eve as xmas eve eve .. so is today boxing boxing day? Post boxing day? Or maybe it's just december 27.

And I am already back at my desk. With a few bits to do but considering I have three days to do it, am not rushing.

So to bring you up to speed. Its been a very Doctor Who christmas.

Friday saw a great deal of rushing around to get everything ready for my trip homewards. I had a few last minute bits to get Dan, plus wrap all of the stuyff that had arrived in the morning. I then picked him up from work and we headed straight off to my mums ..... in the biggest cloud of fog ever. Seriously, it was dense for the entire journey.... thats about 170 miles. Or it was one cloud that was moving with me....... I did begin to wonder if maybe this fog was an alien smokescreen (literally) and that the powers that be were working with said extra terrestrials, hence the grounding of most flights to and from the UK. Go on, try and prove me wrong.

Saturday was day 1 of the intense visits. Managed to spend a few hours with my friend Sally who I havent seen in many years. Nice to see she hasnt changed even if recent months havent been kind to her. Also spent some time with my sister and her kids. Then the evening was the annual dinner with Mark & Lyanne. Of course, this extends to Steve now too as Lyannes fiancee and Mark had his friend Andrew over (no, not that kind of friend ... the poor boy is only 19 and I dont think he'd know what way he swings yet if he tried). Needless to say I spent most of the evening drinking or laughing and sometimes combinations of both resuling in southern comfort coming out of my nose. I know, so attractive. We had a big dinner, played Pirates of the Caribbean Game of Life (not recommended, its shit), then watched some tv

Sunday I went to see my brother - not home, Sue - home but feeling rough, Shelley - not home and finally Dad - home! Before heading back to Wales.

Now, to the Doctor Who stuff! Sunday saw a decent episode of Torchwood, plus my series 1 part 1 dvd had arrived saturday while we were away so I had the xtras to watch on that. There was a special Doctor Who confidential about the concert at the millennium centre on christmas day (the broadcast was xmas day, the concert was Nov 19. Check out Roos blog as the pic we had taken there is still the top post as I write), followed by a full recording of the concert itself on the red button function. We had a fab n groovy trailer for The Sarah Jane Adventures (check out http://sarahjanetv.blogspot.com/ ) which will broadcast on New Years Day, That day also sees the two part Torchwood finale which looks, frankly, fucking awesome. Last night we had a special on BBC2 Wales only, about Edward who oversees proudction of set and things. Narrated (very humourously) by Tom Baker this was a cracking little programe showing the making of The Runaway Bride and its just a pity that it was only broadcast here in Wales as I think a lot of fans and casual viewers alike would have gotten a lot out of this. I have it recorded on dvd if any of you want a copy.
Then of course, the evening on xmas day was the premiere of The Runaway Bride. Now, I know that this has come under a lot of criticism from whovians for being a pile of shite. I have had many calls and e-mails on it. But I say this: it was written with a target audience in mind and it wasnt scarf wearing fans. RTD went out quite specifically to make a show that would contend for the no.1 spot on the xmas ratings. To do this, it needs to appeal to children and drunk, tired people. End of. Just look at what Eastenders pulled out over its 400 episodes broadcast on xmas day (ok, so it was 2 or something) there was some bloke shagging his sons mrs, a knees up round the ole joanna in the vic, Pauline Fowler pegged it for christs sake. The Vicar of Dibley had Geraldine being proposed to, a briliant return to the puddle gag (VoD was actually the number 1 show in the ratings this year. Nobody saw that coming). If Who had been some big sci fi drama about Gallifrey and the internal workings of the time rotor, people would have switched off in droves. Instead we had, evil santas again, a superb car chase involving the TARDIS, lots of campery and running about, a nice big bad spider, and for the fans ... some genuinely touching moments seeing the Doctor getting over Rose and a very nice reference that he doesnt have to regenerate in human form...... and the programe came in 5th all day with 37% share of the audience figs during broadcast. which means its a success, which means we get more next year probably. If all eps were like this, we'd turn off but for a xmas special, this is exactly what it should be. Camp nonsense and I loved it.

Wednesday, 20 December 2006

Here's the story..........

See, this is the problem of being a 70's child in the UK. We didn't get the Brady Bunch. Or at least, I think we did but it wasn't big so I only really have vague notions it may have been on one of the three channels we had to watch back then (so spoiled for choice as we were) at some mid morning point during the holidays or something, quite likely just before Rainbow or maybe after Why Don't You? Or something or nothing. May even have been on a Sunday after the Famous Five ... but I never saw that either. Although I did see the first episode of some thing where a kid gets chased into a lift of a reet dodgy block of flats by some bullies and goes down below the basement and ends up in some other world .... and that's where that episode ended and I never saw it again.

So back to The Bunch

I know it existed, I also know it was like the Partridge Family (which I do recall watching ... along with Doctor Who and Batman. I wasn't allowed to watch Cobbledicks Genie as it scared me. I hope that was a rel show and I wasn't just sent to the foot of the stairs to play once a week so my family could get some peace. I am going to google it in a second but for now really need to get to the point about the Brady Bunch. Oh god, I have gone on forever and said more in brackets than out and now when I finally get to make my point it will have been built up too much and cant possibly live up to its own hype. Its like the Batman movie all over again. Which probably means that the next post will be amazing, the one after have too much colour and not be much cop and the one after that a total pile of shite with too many characters and a mis-cast villain. At least I am safe in the knowledge that somebody will reboot my blog franchise in 10 years and do a really good job, even if they will mis-cast the joker). My first real contact with the Brady Bunch was the 1995 movie. And I sat, enthralled and in wonderment ..... pissing myself laughing from start to end. A year later when I started work at Cineworld, one of the first posters we had up was for A Very Brady Sequel ... which sadly didn't see the light of day in cinemas in the end but I have since bought the dvd and like that too, but not as much.
So imagine my joy to find this:
And discover that a lot of the really corny horrendous lines and plots from the film were genuinely ripped form the original show. Mirth heaven.
I recently bought series 1 on dvd while in Florida, but have yet to watch further than the pilot .....

See, told you it wouldn't live up to it. Its officially a Spaghetti Bolognaise story.

Oh god, now you need to know why its a spag bol story....

Picture the scene. 1994, Emily's house in Pirton. Our circle of friends are at Emily's for the weekend as her parents are away. Raucous parties weren't our style. Just show tunes and chocolate mousse. For the main meal, each of the six of us attending had prepared something .. and mine was the spaghetti bolognaise. After one mouthful, Sarah Billington (who prayed for me daily, bless her as she knows I am going to burn in hell for my acts of sodomy but she loves me anyway) burst out laughing .... hysterically ...... naturally, in such a situation, one asks what is funny ... she couldn't tell us .... so we asked more ..... and so it went on. Eventually, she started giving the excuse, while still laughing and us along with her, laughter being as infectious as it is (even though we had no clue why we were now also in pain from such mirth), that it wouldn't and couldn't possibly be as funny as it was now built up to be. After much more laughter, cracked ribs, split guts and the rest of it, she finally confessed that all she had originally wanted to say was 'this spaghetti is well lush man' but the phrase made her laugh before she had even said it .... and it all kicked off from there. So henceforth, any story that actually cant possibly be as good as it gets built up to be, became a Spaghetti Bolognaise Story. Which is a bit of a spaghetti bolognaise story in itself as its not really that funny unless you were there........

And I can find no reference to Cobbledicks Genie. Oh fuck.

27/12/06 update: Spoke to mother about Cobbledicks Genie. It does exist but was called Pardon My Genie. There is some info here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0379135/
Thank seven lords of fuck for that.

Tuesday, 19 December 2006

Where, What, Who am I?

Ever have one of those days where you actually feel like your head is stuffed with sawdust? That's me today.
I cant concentrate on anything ...... at all.
My usual attention span is .. um .. about 4 seconds but today I cant even stretch that far. My head feels quite literally blank. I have had to deal with a few clients on the phone and found myself actually not talking in constructed, coherent sentences.

Somebody slap me.

on the plus side, part 2 of The Hogfather was very good. I especially liked Death's Hogswatch card to Susan.

And they have revealed the Empress of the Racnoss for The Runaway Bride is a giant spider. joy. Mind you, there was dirty great red knee tarantula in Hogfather last night and I only flinched slightly. Vile creatures.

I have an appointment with a client at 1.30 today but may have to drive myself in. This presents 2 problems. My insurance does not cover me to drive for work, so I will need a pool car so no real big there but then I have to park in Cardiff city centre .... and I have no money at all. Chances fo finding free parking? Zero. Will have to skank the sales exec for the parking as they get to claim it back anyway.

And am v pissed off with nat west. For about the 5th time this year, they have bounced my bills due to insufficient funds, but still taken their own charges for doing so, leaving me £115 overdrawn. Cunts. Have recently seen news articles about people claiming these back as they arent strictly lawful. Fully intend to do this and get back all the charges from last 18 months... which total just over £500. If they refuse, you can take them to small claims as they cant prove that it actually costs them more than £5 ... and they charge £38 each transaction. Bah. Hate money. its rubbish.

Monday, 18 December 2006

Weekend Report

Of course, Monday morning always seems to automatically erase most of the weekend instantly from existence, so you don't feel as rested and cant actually think what you did.

But Mark was down! WOOHOO!!!!!!

Granted, he was due to arrive at 5.30 and for reasons beyond his control (like the M25 being round and so you can actually go around it the wrong way, looks for a junction that doesn't exist, go round it again and then turn back and start again going the right way three hours later) he didn't arrive until about 10.00pm.

Saturday was very much a chill out sit around the house day, until we went out to see Eragon in the evening (which I think looks a bit shit but Mark had said about going to see a film and the choice was slim pickings .... I would happily sit through shite like Deck the Halls this close to xmas though) ... until we got to a cash point and not one of the three of us could get money out as we are all overdrawn, so we went home again and played Disney Haunted Mansion Cluedo. Dan won the first three games, I won the fourth.

Sunday was another sit around chatting day, as days with Mark usually are ... except for a jaunt out to refuel his car ... but we had to find a Tesco garage as his other card has money on it but he doesn't know the pin number to it .... luckily tesco machines don't ask for a pin if you pay at pump.

We then watched part 1 of Sky Ones adaptation of The Hogfather. Now, it has to be said, I am not a discworld fan. I know a bit about it as a lot of my friends read them but I don't. I have read some of them (Mort, The Colour of Magic, the Light Fantastic, The Feegle books and Maurice and His Amazing Educated Rodents) and if you do know about them, you will probably notice that I have read more of the junior ones than the regular ones ... which says a lot about me really. But back to Hogfather ..... it was fantastic! David Jason was very funny as Albert, loving the girl playing Susan, Death was good but being a puppet, his expression never changes which is a shame.... and they even left Death of Rats in! Apparently it is extremely faithful to the book..... I look forward to the concluding part tonight. (Pete, not sure you read Pratchett, but if this int broadcasting down under, and you'd like to see, shout and I'll burn a copy off for you)

And of course, Sunday means Torchwood. Last night saw a plane that took off from Bristol in 1953, land in Cardiff in 2006. No monsters or scaries ..... just seeing these people adapt to what has happened to them and find new lives. Possibly best written episode to date. And they filmed some of it in the Asda where I Shop up in Caerphilly!

I also had a message from a guy I chat to online in my local area. He plays in the National Orchestra for Wales (so plays on the Doctor Who theme and was in the concert recently at the Wales Millennium Centre that is being broadcast on BBCi on Xmas day via the 'red button' feature). For being a part of that, he has been given a special limited edition CD of the Doctor Who music ..... that he is giving to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To say I feel honoured and excited is a mild understatement!


Friday, 15 December 2006

Slow News Day

Not really got a lot to say. But felt olbliged to leave some entry today for some reason.

All I can say is that I had a really weird evening that I cant discuss here.

Oh ... and a colleague of mine Has bought me a Captain Jack Harkness figure for christmas. GET IN!

Thursday, 14 December 2006

Mad World

Way back in the summer .... possibly even before I started this blog ... I was an extra in a student film. You can now view the film here:


Its Mari you want to see .....

Its a bit odd, but stick with it. Its about 15 mins long. My motivation was a hard ask : I have just bought a clone woman for sexual pleasure .......

Who fans may recognise the Queens Arcade from 'Rose' .... yes, I bought a clone from a shop that was full of Autons .... did I buy an Auton? If they ever make a sequel, we might find out .. but don't hold your breath.

UPDATE: Looks like the director has taken the film off for now as it wasnt a finished version. Keep going back as it will turn up eventually.

Wednesday, 13 December 2006

A Royal Variety

Yes, it was the the televised royal variety performance last night.

Opened by John Barrowman singing..... who also returned later to the Torchwood theme and did the whole 'the 21st century is when it all changes' line WOOHOO!

A bit hit and miss with the comedians ..... but the musical sections .... my lord! Ok, so giving Spamalot a 20 minute section was a bad move. Since I though it was shit. But a Sound of Music medley! Two songs from Wicked - which was amazing and I really wnat to go and see it ... and Avenue Q - featuring Torchwoods Naoko Mori (aka titicaca from Ab Fab .. poor woman, she will always be titicaca......), and a good mate fo mine from college! Giles Terera .... he plays Gary Coleman in Avenue Q. Great guy, very talented actor/singer/musician. Not in the least bit surprised to see he has been successful in a stage career. Must drop him a line to say well done!

I was left wondering though .... just how do you get a ticket? Can anyone go or do you have to be some tarty hoi polloi type? Maybe you have to give a member of the royalty a hand job on the sly? Heaven knows, I am not above such things!


Tuesday, 12 December 2006

Not So Relentless

So finally I gave in .......


I shall still be posting here for blog though ..........

Monday, 11 December 2006


Yes, I have had a trip to the hospital already this week.... I was only doing the driving though as it was a friend at work who had fallen and hurt her arm. She is ok, just a little shocked.

But my life ... what a state the other people in A&E were .... I am guessing most of them were there for either:

A) a shocking case of being inbred


B) Injured running away from any sense of style. I mean, as I have said before, be fat/thin/tall/short but make something of yourself .. or at least wash.

Nothing to report from the weekend. Stayed home a lot. Rained a lot. Saw Happy Feet. Put tree up.

Friday, 8 December 2006

Who's? Car

So I am booking my car in to have a service on 21 when I get paid. I am on the phone to Heather, who happens to be the mother of Kat who works here at Real. While chatting away, Kat rings our office and Tree answers. I hear Tree having a fit and going 'oh my god ... yep ... I'll tell him now ... ill stick a note under his nose'. I start panicking in the back of my head ... what is so important that Tree needs to stick a note under my nose rather than wait 90 seconds for me to book my car in for a service? Has a member of my family been hurt? Has Dan been crushed as his building collapsed due to a rogue alien (his office is frighteningly close to that rift down the bay you know)? And please bear in mind ... I don't know who Tree is talking to so it could be anyone.... as I am talking to Heather, the post it appears ......'David Tennants car is in Kats mums garage'.... you can imagine my joy ...... teh same grease monkey who fixes The Doctors vehicle (isn't that technically the TARDIS?) will be fitting my brakes and changing the oil. If he took the courtesy car, then I could well be driving that two weeks yesterday.

I did then pause the conversation about my car to ask Heather about Davids ... he apparently didn't book it under David Tennant ... but I wont reveal publicly the name he used (although fans really should be able to work out what name he does use ...) as I am sure he doesn't want a deluge of people trying to track his car down........... then again, I am fairly sure that nobody reads this aside from Roo and Pete ..... and Pete is the other side of teh planet ... Roo might be a problem though given her latent stalker tendencies are coming out with Matt Le Tisier.

Yes, the equivalent of sending me into a sauna with babydaddy has happened to our Roo. She is going on a date with Matt Le Tisier. Dead chuffed for her and told her I fully expect her to put out for him or I shall be v disappointed.


Thursday, 7 December 2006

Craig Hinton 1964 - 2006

This is going to be a strange post.

I heard today that Craig died at the weekend. I know not what of. I didn't even know him. But it has left me feeling cold and a bit shaken.


Well, let me start by telling you a little about him. Craig was a big Doctor Who fan and also wrote novels and audio books for it. He was also my ex's ex..... if you follow.

Matt used to talk about him, not loads as that wasn't Matt's way but enough. They were still friends when Matt and I lived together. I was supposed to meet him at some point, but then of course Matt and I separated. Even though I haven't spoken to Matt in months (possibly not even this year now I think on it) I have dropped him a message asking how he is ... I haven't mentioned Craig in case he hasn't heard....... Its just a bit odd to think that somebody you dated has had somebody they dated die ..... like it could have been me......

Wednesday, 6 December 2006

5 a day my arse

Due to making sure I regularly eat healthy ... I have spent all night throwing up. I know it was the veg .... largely because they were just over their use by date ... but as they had been in the fridge I thought it was ok .... shows what I know.

Oh ... and I have put on weight, i am sure of it based on the photos from the weekend. I think this is largely due to me not going to the gym for 6 weeks. Ok, 1 week of that was production week for A Midsummer Nights Dream so there was no hope that week and then of course it was 2 weeks in Florida, followed by three weeks where I have felt like absolute seven kinds of shite with this bug, which i finally started to shift .. only to begin with the exorcist vomming at 3.30 this morning.

fuck it.

Next week.

Oh and if you are London bound at all .... do make sure you go and see Avenue Q at the Noel Coward Theatre. It looks amazingly funny, has an old mate of mine called Giles in it and a very cute guy called Jon playing the lead..........

Tuesday, 5 December 2006

Throw your hands up at me!

Here i am, trying to come up with strap lines for a Ford dealer for their motability scheme, listening to a bit of Destinys on the itunes, when I mis hear the lyrics spectacularly .... or do I?

As well as the great Alf Garnet & meat lines ..... http://www.rathergood.com/alf/
I have now discovered they say hoo hoo. yes, the C word .....
According to every lyrics site I can find it goes like this:

Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on no one else to give you what you want

But I am SURE those last two lines are actually:
If you're gonna brag make sure its your money you c*nt
Depend on no one else to give you want you want.

There is no way that word is flaunt ... its a definite 'c' sound at the start.

And if you are playing on rather good, go here and see my favourite song of all time ever.

How did we solve a problem..

.... we voted for Connie. For those of you around the world going 'Eh?' I shall explain.
Following on from every rubbish pop factor stars crap we seem to be deluded with these days, the west end got in on the act and we had How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria over the summer, where girls auditioned in their thousands to get the role of Maria in the new London production of The Sound of Music. The final 10 then battled it out each week via public vote, leaving Connie Fisher as the winner back in September. I am listening to her debut album as I type and LOVE IT! Apparently next year they are doing it again to find a Sandy & Danny for Grease. I am guessing they will call it Summer Nights or something........ lets hope the lovely and handsome and cheeky John Barrowman will be on the panel again.

In other news .... very odd dreams last night. Now, I don't often remember them and to have three from one night that I can remember in such detail is no coincidence.

In one, I was in this field and it was kind of like a hazy summer twilight and an old man I passed (who I somehow knew was like a groundskeeper for this place) told me to look out for the fairy ... and sure enough about 10 seconds later a beautiful fairy was fluttering around before me and I caught her... well I held up my hand and she landed in it ... she was all white and grey, almost like a three inch high snow sculpture but with great detail in her wings like snowflakes. I heard her voice, not out loud but inside my head, not like a thought, different .. cant describe it really and she said she would grant my three wishes and she flew away but as she did she broke up, like ash rising from a bonfire and I was upset, but then I realised that this is how she was granting my wish, by scattering herself to fill the world with my wishes and that's just what fairies do.

The next bit involved a man who was actually a wolf and he wanted to eat me .... he was about 40/50's and had grey hair and piercing blue eyes (and jeans and check shirt) but I could fly and flew up a tree to get away from him. But because I was scared of him but also strangely attracted to him, I could only fly so high and he could reach my feet. Somebody (vague idea it was actually my mother) was grappling at him to try and pull him away. I don't remember how I got down but I do remember then being in his house .. which was very Disney cottage in the woods form snow white' type of thing and kind of wanting to to have sex because I was really totally in lust with him but also knowing that if I did he was going to kill me after.......

the next one was kind of at the house i lived in with my mum, brother and sister when she was married to their dad. I was as I am now ... but Elly was 5 again and James wasn't there. I remember mum coming home from a night out and I peeped down the stairs to see who the man was I was going to have the incredibly not joyous time of listening to her shag this time and he was a fat bloke with a Hawaiian shirt on and I knew his name was Simon.

I think I need to be locked up.

Monday, 4 December 2006

See .... me .... Ronan .. thats Kelly at his feet ... she ended up leaning against his mike stand.....


So here it is, merry christmas

Yes, its all really started now December is here. Not least the GMG Radio annual 'do' and awards.

We flew up on friday night as trying to do everything in a day last year killed me for a week ... so we landed .. well I say landed, it was like the opening scene of Lost trying to get that plane down in Glasgow. The plane was tilting and bucking like a whore on top..... at about 6.30 and had a coach to the hotel. Some people had plans to go out but myself and Dan decided to trudge about and find a suitable eatery ... but couldn't be arsed and ended up with Burger King. And got piss soaking wet in the torrential rain in the process. Saturday, the rain continued so we decided to not even leave the hotel room until the party.

And what a party it was! The pre-show was a warm up from Four Poofs and a Piano, who did Kylie and ABBA medleys as well as a song about having a large penis. We then went into the awards .... Wales did quite well, we walked away with at least 4 I can think of. The opening act was Andy Abraham (last years X Factor runner up) who was very good, the half time was Tony Christie, who apparently still hasn't found out if this is the way to Amarillo (its been how many years? Get a tom tom!), there was a surprise appearance by Jim Royle (teh brilliant Ricky Tomlinson. I have never seen the Royle Family but used to love him in Brookside!) and to finish the awards, the gorgeous Ronan Keating (see pic .... I need to get back on that diet pronto ... and yes, that gold shirt is fabulous but bloody hot. I was also in 6 inch silver platforms...) ((bugger .. pic wont load, will post it seperately if it will let me))

Now, the awards a big affair ..... there were a total of 5 video screens around the room, so that winners could be picked out getting up for their awards, like on the telly, but the camera who picked them out, would get in position before the nominations were announced .... so i always knew who was going to win just by where he was pointing as we all sit in groups. I did have a minor heart attack just before station of the year was announced as the camera was pointing in Wales direction ..... not realising that Smooth London were sat between us and the camera......

The company video was amazing .... they had edited and 'Forrest Gump'ed the senior management into James Bond films (we had a Bond theme for the party) and it was very funny. Our managing director took Bond's place in the infamous 'I expect you to die Mr Bond' scene ......

There was another live band and a disco ... so much crazy dancing ensued and I remember posing for a lot of photos that have yet to appear anywhere.........

And the goss? Well, far be it from me to spread malicious rumour gossip or scandal BUT .... one of the four poofs did allegedly spend the night with a member of our programming team ....... saying no more!