Worse than buses, me ...
none for ages then two at once....
Well, lunchtime has brought a few things I need to talk about.
First, MacDonalds Rolo milkshakes. Its taken me almost three weeks and 10 trips to 8 different restaurants (can I really call maccy dees a restaurant? eatery? Shit hole?) I finally found one with a working machine ... even though the girl did tell me it was broken still when I ordered. Luckily the guy who had fixed it heard my order and brought it across anyway. Worth the wait? Well, not quite but it is luvverly.
Second, Nat West bank. On Tuesday August 1st, I dropped a change of address form into Caerphilly Branch and was told that it would take 12 - 24 hours to process. So off I went and changed my billing address on all my online accounts .. play, amazon etc. 48 hours later bought some things from Play ... had the order declined as the address they had didnt match my address with the bank. So I trotted up to the very friendly ladies in the Radyr branch and they confirmed my address still showed as Swansea .. but that it could take about 3 days so to try again the next day. Having no need, I didnt bother. Tuesday coming is my mothers birthday, I ordered her some gifts online and the order processed beautifully. 'Wait one cotton picking minute' (why does picking cotton make a minute a different length of time? Does raw cotton have chroniton particles that effect the space time continuum? If so, why didnt Doc Brown use cotton rather than plutonium - especially given he clearly states that he has to have pure cotton clothing due to an allergy to synthetics) 'why has this order not declined since I havent amended my addresses in my online accounts' So after a trip to the bank they confirmed that 10 days later ... they still have me at my old address. Which means that any bank statements sent in the last week, since my post redirect lapsed, will go to my old house where the new people can have full access to my account and bleed me dry in their attempt to raise funds to overthrow the drug barons who rule their people. The girl today was very polite and let me do another form without having to give ID .. since I had none on me barring my bank cards.
Thirdly .... the new Doctor Who studios. I know where they are in theory ... in fact if you look them up on multimap and then have upper boat in the bottom left hand square, one diagonally up left click brings my house onto the map .... but buggered if I can actually find them. Maybe the BBC bult them underground ... like Torchowoods Cardiff HQ is supposed to be under the bit outside the Millennium Centre (where the TARDIS parked in Boom Town). If I find them, I will let you know.
And lastly, my rubbish Nandos joke. For those who dont know, nandos is a mexican reatuarant chain......
Jose was the manager of a Nando's restaurant. He decided that every tuesday and thursday he wanted to have live music to entertain his clientelle. So he set about hiring some musicians to run an open mic night. With this, he also needed equipment and called his local musical intruments emporium and ordered two guitars and a drum kit. Seeing a perfect opportunity for an upsell, the shop manager convinced Jose that bespoke made instruments would be perfect for him as they would give his restaurant a sound like nobody else in town and pack him out on those dead mid week nights. Jose saw the genius in this plan and ordered.
A few days later, the workers at the musical instrument plant had made tow of the finest spanish guitars and a bongo drum. But as is practise in many industries (excpet maybe condoms .. jeez, i hope not with condoms .. urgh), they had to check they worked before sending them out. Dave picked up the first guitar and strummed .... a perfect chord rang through the air. He picked up the second guitar and strummed ... again a sound as sweet as a spoilt brat crying when they have fallen over and actually hurt themselves. Marvellous! he thought, my work this week has been exempliary and my boss will surely reward me. So just to make sure his standards were consistent, he hit the drum. Silence. This is impossible, thought Dave and hit it again twice as hard... still nothing. Perhaps, thought Dave, I have refined this to such a masterpiece that my ears cannot hear its fine sweet sound. So he called his workmate Ralph over. Ralph came over and Dave explained the problem. 'And what I need to know is ......
.
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.
.
wait for it
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made this up myself you know!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
oh shit, I've built it up too much and its just not going to be funny now
.
.
.
.
'Can you hear the drum for nandos?'
If you dont get it, say it aloud.
If you still dont get it, fuck off and dont come back. Freak.
ITS ABBA PEOPLE! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!
Well, lunchtime has brought a few things I need to talk about.
First, MacDonalds Rolo milkshakes. Its taken me almost three weeks and 10 trips to 8 different restaurants (can I really call maccy dees a restaurant? eatery? Shit hole?) I finally found one with a working machine ... even though the girl did tell me it was broken still when I ordered. Luckily the guy who had fixed it heard my order and brought it across anyway. Worth the wait? Well, not quite but it is luvverly.
Second, Nat West bank. On Tuesday August 1st, I dropped a change of address form into Caerphilly Branch and was told that it would take 12 - 24 hours to process. So off I went and changed my billing address on all my online accounts .. play, amazon etc. 48 hours later bought some things from Play ... had the order declined as the address they had didnt match my address with the bank. So I trotted up to the very friendly ladies in the Radyr branch and they confirmed my address still showed as Swansea .. but that it could take about 3 days so to try again the next day. Having no need, I didnt bother. Tuesday coming is my mothers birthday, I ordered her some gifts online and the order processed beautifully. 'Wait one cotton picking minute' (why does picking cotton make a minute a different length of time? Does raw cotton have chroniton particles that effect the space time continuum? If so, why didnt Doc Brown use cotton rather than plutonium - especially given he clearly states that he has to have pure cotton clothing due to an allergy to synthetics) 'why has this order not declined since I havent amended my addresses in my online accounts' So after a trip to the bank they confirmed that 10 days later ... they still have me at my old address. Which means that any bank statements sent in the last week, since my post redirect lapsed, will go to my old house where the new people can have full access to my account and bleed me dry in their attempt to raise funds to overthrow the drug barons who rule their people. The girl today was very polite and let me do another form without having to give ID .. since I had none on me barring my bank cards.
Thirdly .... the new Doctor Who studios. I know where they are in theory ... in fact if you look them up on multimap and then have upper boat in the bottom left hand square, one diagonally up left click brings my house onto the map .... but buggered if I can actually find them. Maybe the BBC bult them underground ... like Torchowoods Cardiff HQ is supposed to be under the bit outside the Millennium Centre (where the TARDIS parked in Boom Town). If I find them, I will let you know.
And lastly, my rubbish Nandos joke. For those who dont know, nandos is a mexican reatuarant chain......
Jose was the manager of a Nando's restaurant. He decided that every tuesday and thursday he wanted to have live music to entertain his clientelle. So he set about hiring some musicians to run an open mic night. With this, he also needed equipment and called his local musical intruments emporium and ordered two guitars and a drum kit. Seeing a perfect opportunity for an upsell, the shop manager convinced Jose that bespoke made instruments would be perfect for him as they would give his restaurant a sound like nobody else in town and pack him out on those dead mid week nights. Jose saw the genius in this plan and ordered.
A few days later, the workers at the musical instrument plant had made tow of the finest spanish guitars and a bongo drum. But as is practise in many industries (excpet maybe condoms .. jeez, i hope not with condoms .. urgh), they had to check they worked before sending them out. Dave picked up the first guitar and strummed .... a perfect chord rang through the air. He picked up the second guitar and strummed ... again a sound as sweet as a spoilt brat crying when they have fallen over and actually hurt themselves. Marvellous! he thought, my work this week has been exempliary and my boss will surely reward me. So just to make sure his standards were consistent, he hit the drum. Silence. This is impossible, thought Dave and hit it again twice as hard... still nothing. Perhaps, thought Dave, I have refined this to such a masterpiece that my ears cannot hear its fine sweet sound. So he called his workmate Ralph over. Ralph came over and Dave explained the problem. 'And what I need to know is ......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
wait for it
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
made this up myself you know!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
oh shit, I've built it up too much and its just not going to be funny now
.
.
.
.
'Can you hear the drum for nandos?'
If you dont get it, say it aloud.
If you still dont get it, fuck off and dont come back. Freak.
ITS ABBA PEOPLE! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!
posted by Peter Pan @ 11:55 am
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