My life, the people in it and any other shit I decide to throw at you.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

And the children shall lead.

So have a read of this over at Kev's blog ......
Sadly, in all my years of children's theatre, I don't have one like that but instead this one:

Picture it: Stevenage (arsehole of a town) 1994. Its four days before xmas and myself and a few mates are preforming panto at one of the local JMI's (Junior and mixed Infants .... 5 - 10 year olds basically). We have written it and the music ourselves and it follows a Grinch-esque story of how Santa's evil elder brother kidnaps him to stop Christmas happening .. but the elves, with the help of the audience manage to save the day. So i am playing said evil brother. The lead Elf, had managed to use the last bit of elf magic (thanks to the kids for shouting out the spell) to freeze me and asks the kids what they think should be done to punish me. Now, usually kids would all scream, beat him, send him to prison, make him nice or such .... but this one day, there was but a loan voice from a very small 6 year old girl. The type of angel whom from her big brown eyes peeping out from under her fringe, you would think that butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. So what two words of wisdom came from this ickle angel.

Burn him.

She was 6 and about three feet tall.
I was 23 and terrified of her.
Wednesday Addams was alive and well and living in Stevenage.

UPDATE: Just received this by mail, felt it apt to add here.....
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him". A

Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God. The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead"
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.



  • At 9:43 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I remember a production of 'Jack and the Beanstalk' I worked on many moons ago. Just before the End Of First Act Beanstalk Growing Moment (TM), Jack lloks out to the audience, sums up the plot so far and asks what they think he should do with these silly beans he's got. At which point, a moppet in the front row stands up and very clearly tells him: "Look, it's very simple. You plant the seeds over there, go up the Beanstalk, kill the giant, get the golden egg, come back down and marry Jill" and then sat down again. Suddenly there didn't seem much point in doing the second half...

    John frm Letchworth


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