Up Close and Personal

Ok ..... biting a bit of a bullet here. As I have said before, this whole self cleansing catharsis thing I have going on is because Bsabas did some and I found it incredibly interesting to read and realised I have a lot of stories to tell.
Now, his latest is VERY personal and I initially thought I couldn't possibly go into such details. But I think I should. So let me say now and very clearly. Unless you want to read VERY intimate details and stuff about me that may well change you perceptions of me/induce vomiting. Look away. NOW

Go on ...... this ain't going to be no Mill & Boon....


..... Jackie Collins would blush at this shit, I am telling ya.




well... that was your last chance.


I have been a total and utter bitch whore since the age of about 24. I spent a large part of my twenties in saunas, cottages (public toilets used to pick up) and going off with total strangers just for sex. By sex, I mean I usually blew them. rarely do they get to see mine .... it just never appealed to me to get off in return.

You know all about the first time for me .. with a man .... but how about the one and only lucky girl that got a ride on the Paul Train? No names here (people who knew me back then know exactly who it was) but we were officially going out. It was about one month after my 18th birthday, we had been to a barbecue and were house sitting for friends of my family. We had had a few drinks and were sharing a bed, and within a few minuted body fluids. There was no foreplay to speak of. She grabbed my dick, I rolled on top and in it went..... it was ok to be honest. A fuck is a fuck as far as the physical feeling goes. Ass or vadge. The emotional attachment is far more important I find ... but I digress (so out of character for me I know). After about ten minutes hard banging (how crap that must have been for her, poor cow) I shot a load, rolled over and went to sleep. This was bareback. And yes, she fell pregnant. That was something I was not emotionally or mentally ready for. Nor was the decision to have my son aborted five months in. But it was a decision I had to make. There were going to be risks further down the pregnancy to both lives. I did what I had to. Now, the actual sex didn't freak me out at all. Her handjobs weren't great and I preferred Arons blowjobs too. Actually, it was just better when I got to give one straight back ... and that is what lead me to teh life I lead today. But was I freaked out by vaginal sex? No. By going down on her? No way! I enjoyed that best of all. It was just the smooth skin and breasts that I couldn't deal with. And lack of cock. That was the BIGGIE. You see, being gay comes down (for me at least) fundamentally to one thing and one thing only. Liking the taste of cock.

I regularly get involved in group sessions and threesomes. I get off hugely on seeing people having sex. Porn is good, live shows even better. Seeing Dan with another guy really gets my freak on. I think as much as anything because I get to see him getting off from angles that just aren't possible if I am involved. This may not make any sense to you. i don't care. This is my head you are looking into and this is just how it is! We do have another couple close to us we have had a session with. We split off into two rooms as I could tell that (made up names time) Rolf was really into getting it on with Dan & his fella Orville wanted to play with me privately. So we split into an upstairs downstairs scenario (not as in played housekeepers in 1920s style manor house...). As soon as we were upstairs, Orville asked me to go back down and get them...... thinking he just wanted a foursome, I complied .... to find Dan and Rolf already very busy .... which brought a smile to my face and a tent to my trousers as it had been, like, 40 seconds or something ...... so i went back up and explained they were already busy and lets leave them to it. Now, Orville was very drunk (you're seeing a green duck, aren't you? You are SICK!) and kept asking me to go get them, I refused .. well I did pretend a few times and hid on the stairs ...... and eventually we started to get somewhere. And that was when he dropped his pants. I swear, I had to squint to see it. Now, i am not fussed on size, within a given tolerance. There is too big and there is too small. And bless him, this was too small. I have small hands and I still couldn't actually get a grip on it. And then the real crunch came. He asked me to laugh at it. I panicked, I thought the look on my face had given my thoughts away ...I was mortified I had hurt this very sweet guy. I spent a good ten minutes justifying it and saying it didn't matter and we could still get a good evening ...... and he kept on about the laughing .... he wasn't accusing, he was asking .. no .. .DEMANDING. Turns out, he gets off on it being laughed at. He wanted me to insult him..... now this made me even more uncomfortable than the guilt I had previously had..... but from somewhere deep inside, I pulled on my best acting skills and found a character .... and I was a cunt to him. No two ways about it. And he loved it. Fucking loved it. He was reluctant to let me go and kept telling me how he cant believe I had never been a dom before and I was the best he has ever had. yeah .... freaked me out too.

I was once out in Blackpool with an ex of mine (you remember, the drunken asshole) and went clubbing. Now, I have never been one for sitting at a bar when there is a dancefloor to be had, so when he refused point blank to dance, i left him. And within about .... ooh ..... 3 minutes I had been pulled up onto a podium between 2 guys (I was a LOT thinner then) and we were having a severe bump n grind ... and then the one behind me asked if I would like to follow him to a cubicle. Did I? Does a bear shit in a leather toilet? Our liaison there ended up with me bent over the loo with him doing me good and hard from behind. Unbeknown st to us, we had been a few hours and the club had closed. My ex, the fucktard drunkard came in looking for me .... he stuck his head under the cubicles to see if it was me ... and not realising the club was shut and just thinking he was interfering, I kicked him in the face. Hard. Within seconds, the club staff came in asking us to hurry and leave. So we gave the job up unfinished. Sadly. He was good................... I wonder what his name was?

I have been photographed and video-ed many times during sex. Most notably during an orgy I was hosting. Those polaroids are out there, biding their time, to bite me on the arse when I get famous.

I stopped counting at my 1000th sexual partner about four years ago .......... counting just seemed stupid at that point. Do bear in mind, in my cruising days, it was not unknown to get through 8 or 9 guys in a night. Particularly at some of the tougher bars with backrooms and saunas. And yes, this is mostly sucking.......... fucking would run to around 40 or so I guess............. and always safe and regularly checked out. Once caught gonorrhea (spelling??) from an airline pilot in field in Baldock. Not nice at all. Just for the rod they jam down your japs eye if nothing else.

Am I a top or bottom? well, nether, both .. I dunno. These days I get more out of being a bottom that really is teh last 12 months only....

I get a lot of compliments. Especially from so called straight guys who are only out cruising cuz the wife wont put out. Yes girls, if you don't give it to them, they go to the nearest public toilet and there is someone like me who will. To be honest, that someone like me wont always find out that you exist, so hate your lying cheating fucktard husband, and not us. One particular married man who I really had a big thing for and so continued to see after I found out there was a wife once told me 'your arse is hotter and tighter than any pussy I ever had' well like duh ... think of the biology behind it!

I think that will do for now.
Bsabas ... if you want to hear more, let me know!