What Am I? 8?

So you may recall last week I had a swelling that concerned me slightly.
The weekend sore an onset of a sore throat. Then from Monday, my neck has gone from hamster to Frankensteins Monster ..... which all started to feel really familiar. So I went and looked at NHS Direct and found this:

In mumps, one or both of the salivary glands swell up and become painful. This creates the characteristic 'hamster' appearance of a swollen face, particularly just below, and in front of, the ear. The swelling of the glands increases over two to three days and gradually decreases as the high temperature falls. It is not unusual for swelling to last for around eight days.

The incubation period for mumps (the time that the viral infection is in your system before the symptoms begin to show) is between 14-21 days. However, a person who has the mumps infection is contagious from about six days before their glands swell, until about five days after they swell. You can only pass on mumps if you currently have the infection.

Other symptoms of mumps may include:

• pain when chewing and swallowing, Fuck aye
  
• sore throat, It hurts mama
  
• fever, The Kylie CD or Madonna track? I have both
  
• feeling tired, for many years now... but worse of late
  
• loss of appetite, Yes - but that only puts me to eating what a normal person does and I am still on the chocolate
  
• mild abdominal (tummy) pain, Again, yes but its a regular thing with me. Been farting like a good un though and it really fucking stinks
  
• dry mouth, and yep
  
• headache. Again, when you suffer from migraine, you find it easy to ignore an ordinary headache
  

There may be swelling around the ovaries (in girls) or testes (in boys after puberty).

Around a third of people with the mumps virus develop no symptoms and, in most other people, the symptoms are fairly mild.

So it looks like I have the mumps. What next? Chickenpox? Days off school to watch Picture Box, Look and Read and then have mum bring me chicken soup when Crown Court is on?
Honestly!