My life, the people in it and any other shit I decide to throw at you.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008


Ok, lets just get this out there. I feel like shit today. Mentally and emotionally.

The cinema job isnt going well. It should be a breeze but it isnt. At the end of my shift, I always seem to be a vast amount of cash down. Most times, it has actually been explained (vouchers not processed right, the coin county thing buggering up or such) but its wearing me down constantly feeling like I am just shit and cant do it.
Its never been a problem before in any job where I have operated a till. But the last one was some years ago now - has my dyscalculia deteriorated to a point where I cant do it? I put myself to the test .... I do a few quick sums in my head in the bath, on the loo, driving ... and seem to be fine. So am I just making one or two mistakes when trying to work quickly, that add up to 20/30 quid at the end of the night? Who knows. Would help if the system worked out the change for you, but it doesnt you see. And thats just about the only difference between this job and all of the others. Which would of course mean that it is me cocking up and not some system error. Its affecting my sleep. Last night I woke up three times from dreams about the place.
I was thinking maybe to ditch the super secret christmas plan, and just cut back on living a little so that my salary here lasts. But it would mean literally going back to a basic diet and cutting back food rations, no additional journeys aside from work and home, absolutely no DVDs/theatre/cinema or anything. I already massively adjusted my spending on ths, specifically to help sort out the finances ... and its still going wrong. So my life would become work and home. And to see anyone, they would have to visit us. Its just not a philosophy I have ever had. What's the point in living like that? Just living to survive? All sounds very caveman.
So just when I was thinking that maybe I could just drop this job until I find another (with tills that tell you how much change to give), check my account as will need petrol ... and I am 60 quid overdrawn, when i am supposed to be £15 in the black. Looks like BT have processed the DD (the one I set up for 21st of this month) and my new magazine subscriptions have gone through (£3 each a month). So even when I get paid from the cinema this friday, it will just about bring me back to zero.
I cant work out how I do it, I really cant. Its a talent, I tell you.
And to top that off, we had a letter this week saying that when Dan's old house was repossessed and sold, it fell short of clearing his mortgage by 14 grand. So we have that to find too.
So if you were planning your outfit for our wedding, you might want to wait and see what the fashions are like in 2052................
Cut me a fucking break universe ... I am trying!


  • At 4:16 pm, Blogger Nabu San said…

    Oh lawdy, that's awful mate. What kinda of a stone-age till doesn't tell you how much change to give?! And you've just started the job, I'd have thought they'd have cut you some slack on a few mistakes. If it happens again, you should just come out and ask for other responsibilities - like doing the popcorn, or ushering etc.

    And you've peaked my interest on this christmas thing. What are/were you planning?

    Hope it all works out!


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