My life, the people in it and any other shit I decide to throw at you.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

Utter Madness

Well what an exciting day Saturday was.
It began with me having car issues. No, really! I know - me and a car butting heads, its a shocker alright.
With my spangly new voiture, I have committed (as i do with every change of car) to actually look after it properly. I figure with a new car, its gotta be easier than with a p o s. Not that the Protonator was a piece of shit, but she wasn't spangly. The Waspinator (so called for being yellow and black and having a face akin to the Beast Wars character of the same name) is spangly.
So I decide to check oil, water, tyres etc. before driving all the way to that there London. I dig out my owners manual and look up where all the things need to go. It tells me, quite unhelpfully that there is s sticker on the car telling me tyre pressure. And the bonnet release just has a diagram of where to find it, inside 'the front door' of the car. So Its a three door ergo a door on each side and the hatchback. So what exactly constitutes the front door? I have a definite backdoor (ooh daughter) but then two very equally placed side doors. I tried measuring to see if one is millimetres more forward than the other but to no avail. So I am now relying on the wee diagram that shows where the release lever is. No part of my car resembles the small well and curvy thing where said lever is physically located. But lo! a clue! Beneath the dashboard it says. Well, that's marvellous. By my Holmes like powers of deduction, I can now safely use either of my 'front' doors which are connected across the width of the car by the dashboard, to the forward direction. So really none the wiser.
Now, The Waspinator has lots of hidey holes and pockets within drivers reach. Great for storing food, money, phone, glasses case, more food and keys. So I give them all a good rub and fiddle but no lever do I find. Because I am famous, nay infamous for not seeing things right in front of me, I get Dan to look too. Zip. So he goes to get a torch. Still we find zilch. Then, somehow, I am upside down, my head in the foot well, my feet waving precariously around over the headrest, all the blood now in my face, torch ion one hand, the other gripping the steering wheel to hold me in place, rather than fall out of the car and break something on today of all days.
Not a fucking sausage.
Exasperated, I start to pack stuff into the car and just hope I don't need oil, water or windscreen wash. As I pop my CD case into the passenger seat, I spy a small hole tucked up under the dash with a small but perfectly formed lever, just inside where the door hinges meet the dash. Tentatively, I pull... to hear the clunk of the bonnet release.
30 Minutes. Half a fucking hour poking, prodding, getting in and out of the car, hanging upside down and risking migraines and embolisms.
Passenger side.
Why would a passenger ever think, 'oh, I'll just pop the bonnet up and have a squizz under there and see if its pretty'. Astounding.
So late now, we set off, pop down and pick Kat and Helen up (who bought me a fabulous Lord Voldemort tee shirt, which i am wearing today. Its a bit long on me and he is mainly at the bottom of it, so unless I pull it up a bit, it does look like I have a random arm reaching out from my underpants. Wouldn't be the first time I suppose), drop Dan at his mums in Newport and off we go again.
Quick stop on the M4 . at the KFC but .. and get this .. I didn't get a KFC!!! Just had a quick pasty and off! Get me!
Once off the M4 Kat is on navigator duty and we follow through to young David & Al's place. Have a bit of a mare with a diversion that I wasn't convinced was actually diverting us properly, but we got there in teh end.
D & A are moving to Southampton soon (which reminds me, David is stressing about a colourist and stylist and know Rach has one there .... need to get numbers passed around and people introduced!) and I was looking at the pics of new house ..... LOVE IT!
So off we head on the jolly old train to get into town. Stopped at Waterloo to meet Lisa from David's work .... we are LOVING Lisa. And grabbed a Krispy Kreme. Introduced Kat to Krispy Kreme. Fair to say I changed her life with a fondant doughnut. Then off to the jolly old O2 to meet Mark Leete and head in to gig!
I cant remember all the details but its fair to say we had an absolute scream. We had brilliant seats. Now, bear in mind, I booked just a single seat for me, while 200 miles away, David was booking his three independently. So him having the seat in front of me was the most amazing coincidence ever. Young Marky bought everyone a flashy Spice glowstick thingy. There were news crews all over. Lots of drag queens dressed up as Ginger, Sporty, Baby, Dozy, Beaky, Mich and Titch .. or something.
The gig itself was pretty much what you would expect. All the hits. A few dancey bits. There was a lovely moment at the end of Viva Forever, performed on moving individual podiums, gliding through dry ice, that as the last notes faded, Geri sank into the mist, gone forever. Well, for about 2 songs anyhoo. I called my Mum during Mama and bellowed the song down the phone to her. I couldn't hear a bloody thing but have spoken to her since and apparently it made her cry! She thought I was drunk and at a party mind you. Each girl had a solo spot. Geri did Its Raining Men (that's right girlfriend, know your audience), Emma did Maybe (always my fave of her anyway), Mel C I Turn To You (odd choice) and really randomly Mel B performed Are You Gonna Go My Way - while whipping a 'member of the audience pulled out at random' .. yeah right. Victoria chose not to sing (wise) and sent up her image instead by posing for photographers and doing a catwalk thing. They played Supermodel!!! David and I were screaming at each other at this point just for her use of RuPaul.
One thing baffled us .. and everyone else we spoke to ..... every time Victoria had a close up on screens, sang a solo line, farted or whatever, 80% of the crowd went fucking nuts. Which nobody did for any of the others singularly. Um .. yeah, lets cheer the least talented one ... that's a good plan. What the fuck? Even the dykes we spoke to didn't get it. Which speaks volumes.
The grand finale of Wannbe/Spice Up Your Life really had the whole place jumping .. not quite the Big Prince Night Out but it came close in atmos at that point.
Had to make something of a sharp exit as we had to get two trains back to David's and then still drive back to Wales, picking Dan up from his mums and dropping the girls off before I could get to bed....... which was about 4.00am in the end ... but what a great day!
Since then, work has been chaos ..... everyone wants everything done immediately ..... its supposed to bloody slow down now, not get worse! Bah humbug!

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